An Unfulfilled Life

It’s so easy to forget how small our time on Earth really is. We hear the elderly reminisce on “the good’ole’times” but never truly recognize the sadness that is life. So, you can imagine how disappointed a person feels when they are reminded of their own mortality during their first encounter with death. About 2 weeks ago, someone very close to me died a horrible death. I can’t imagine the antagonizing pain she was in, despite the on-scene medic’s observation that “she was unusually calm” during her last moments. I don’t necessarily want to focus on her actual death, I find that the last couple of months of her life are more relative in the long run. Try to understand that death does not wait for anyone. This woman was a troubled soul. She had a dead-end job and she didn’t particularly make the best of decisions when it came to her family-these were the only two things she had in her life. That didn’t stop her from complete unhappiness though, I recall a few times when I saw her smile, she still had a lust for life. She was only 36. During her final months, we once discussed her lifes’ choices. Honestly, I didn’t think I was old enough to even comprehend why or how a person could make such malicious decisions. All I knew was that she was remorseful, I’m sure she was until the end as well. She didn’t have any time to say she was sorry to the person she had wronged. Ultimately, this person is never going to know. It was a shock getting the news. I got light headed and weak in the knees. I became numb and full of confusing emotions. Nothing felt real anymore. Never has someone so close to me die. When it came time for her funeral, I didn’t want to go. I was so used to seeing her rosy, blushed cheeks and hearing her infectious laugh, I couldn’t bear the thought of seeing her. I didn’t go up to her actual body either, I just sat in the first row, close enough to see the bridge of her nose, forehead and hands. I could tell the morticians worked hard on trying to conceal her bruises and wounds from the accident. During the burial, I promised myself to never make the same mistake that she did. You see, she didn’t get to live a fulfilled life. She had other responsibilities that she didn’t pay attention to before passing. She lived a selfish life and died an early death. She left so soon, and I was reminded that tomorrow isn’t promised to anybody. Go ahead, set doctor’s appointments and make reservations, theoretically you’re only guaranteeing someone a moment of your life.